


I Remember

by sunshinedonghyuck



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, chanyeol is comatose, kyungsoo is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 20:24:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14504784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinedonghyuck/pseuds/sunshinedonghyuck
Summary: Maybe this never would have happened if Kyungsoo never met Chanyeol.





	I Remember

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't ever written anything like this before so uh sorry if it's not the best~
> 
> enjoy!!

I remember the night that we met.

I remember how it felt to squint up at you. I remember the exact face you made. I remember you apologizing and rambling on about why you suddenly bumped into me. I remember thinking that you were the best thing to happen to me in a while. I remember the list. The stupid fucking bucket list.

When they told me that you might not wake up I felt empty. For the first few days I didn’t want to feel anything. I thought that I didn’t deserve to feel anything if you couldn’t be beside me feeling the same thing. Almost a month after the incident I remembered the thing that brought us together.

I was remember searching the whole apartment for the list and not knowing where you put it. I remember wanting to have the list in my hands so badly and not knowing why. I remember when I found it.

I don’t know what I was expecting when I finally found it. Half of the things were things that you could have achieved if you had never met me. I remember deciding to complete the list because what if you never woke up and if you weren't going to be able to complete it someone should. I remember completing the first thing on the list. It was so simple but it was also so you.

Sometimes I wonder why that was the first thing on the list and why it was uncompleted. It seemed like it would be such an easy task for you. Why did you feel the need to put ‘sing in public’ on your list? Maybe I’ll ask you when you wake up.

I cannot fully describe how it made me feel. It felt like everything at once but also nothing at all. I felt free. I felt like I was floating and like I would never come down but when ascending you always know that descent is inevitable. I know that eventually I will have to face the truth. I know that I will have to face how I really feel but it’s nice to pretend.

It’s been so long since I actually felt anything more than the overwhelming numbing feeling that developed after what happened.I know that if you were still with me you would hate what I have become but you would love every second of everything that I’m doing. This is the only thing that makes me feel alive. I could argue that this is good for me but who would I be fooling? I have no one to fool.

You used to tell me that pretending is never the best thing for me because I should know that in the end it just makes everything worse. But the artificial happiness is addicting. Soon enough I won’t be able to continue but this is what I imagine if feels like to [REDACTED].

How long has it been? I lost count somewhere around 5 minutes. Without you every second that passes feels like it takes a millennium and everytime I begin to forget I look around this place that once held so much life. This place. This apartment. This.

This apartment  hasn’t felt like home since that day. I remember coming back ‘home’ and it hadn’t hit me yet. I remember waking up and turning over to wake you up and not realizing why you weren’t there. I remember walking to the kitchen, thinking that you woke up early to surprise me with breakfast even though I didn’t smell food. I remember  the exact moment when I realized that the apartment was as lifeless as you seemed to be. **I remember how it felt when I realized that I wouldn’t come home to your excited eyes and bright smile. I remember the exact day that it happened.** I remember all of the moments leading up to it **. I remember the last thing I said to you. I remember the last thing you said to me.** I remember being scared out of my mind. **I remember the exact time I got the call telling me what happened. I remember the first day I saw you. I remember the last day I saw you.** I remember.

 

**Cold.  July 6. “I  love you.” “I love y-”  21:49. February 12. June 28.**

 

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had never met you. Sometimes I wish that I hadn’t pushed everyone away. Sometimes I miss them. Sometimes I think I hate you. Sometimes I wonder how you could do this to me. Sometimes I think that it’s your fault. Sometimes I think that it’s my fault. Maybe if I hadn’t been so insistent on you coming home soon you would still be here. Maybe you would still be walking around full of life if you had never met me. Maybe I’m the problem. Maybe it is really all my fault. Maybe I should just leave before you wake up.

 

If you ever wake up.

**Author's Note:**

> Part Two??


End file.
